You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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