u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
