Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
