im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
