it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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