Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
