i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
