a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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