Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
