dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
