i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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