I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize