dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Are my feet made of real feet?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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