The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
