If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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