Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
