I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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