Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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