Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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