We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
