Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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