She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
