I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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