Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
