I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize