Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
