Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you will always have a special place in my vag
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize