Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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