Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
