My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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