Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
