I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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