My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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