i think my tv is drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
