Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
