I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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