I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
