I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i've created a new STD.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
