Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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