He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
