I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
