I will die if light touches me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
