Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
