What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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