I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
