Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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