He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
