Your dad touched me again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
