Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
