I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
