T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
