u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
