im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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