Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
