Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
