Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
