i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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