you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
