I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My cat gives me a boner
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
