Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
