i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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