I want to walk on stilts...naked
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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