You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
