fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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