Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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