you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
