Small penises have feelings too.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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