Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
smell my finger.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
