i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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