I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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