Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
