We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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