we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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