No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
