did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
