Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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